heartshape

February 8, 2007


I'm really not enjoying this.

The frustration, depression, and stress that comes after assigning as many campus ambassadors, finding out no one will ever show up, and leaving me no choice but to guide the visitors myself suddenly became part of my routine for the school year 06-07.

Most of the shit happens to the chairperson and no one in this organization knew better than him/her. I guess my future started crumbling since I took the position. Xavier was able to pull it off, being the ultimate tour guide and campus ambassador of the year, and Michelle, being Michelle, simply had to relentlessly push us. Still, that doesn't mean they didn't sacrifice as much as I do now. At times when nobody shows up and I am left with at least 50 students on educational field trip, I hardly envision an exceptional future, everything becomes bleak, and I start focusing on the wide-eyed graders and the type of information that suits them.

I am getting tired of filling in for these people, sacrificing my class hours while they get to attend classes. Is it karma? Sometimes I want to shout at them, bombard them with insults loud enough for their ears to bleed. Sometimes, I want them all to skip classes and just feel what I'm feeling right now. Sometimes I want to whack my own head and die.Why am I suffering for something I love so much?I never asked for this. If this is the price for fame and prestige then bring it on. But not to the point of bruising my future and letting them get away with it.

I'm sometimes exasperated by motherly heroine with a deadly tongue. She books all the tours and assigns us (through me, of course) anxiously almost every time, and doesn't rest until she gets informed of the situation - the number of CAs that will serve as tour guides and everything. She's one hell of a secretary and Aiken hates her. Honestly, I'm not closing my doors on the HATE option. I just wish I don't burst my bubble on her.