I know God will understand this...

There's no escaping Krawi at 1:05 AM


The lessons learned in Baguio are simply priceless and I never regretted going there especially since I've been dreaming of touring the country's summer capital all my life. Though my main motive of tagging along was "Baguio" and not the church camp (and I feel like an unabashed sinner for saying this) and the tour that I know was gonna be new and exciting, I had high hopes of reuniting with God, of answering my own skepticisms about His authority and holiness. I was looking forward to the tour but somehow, I was asking myself how I might be able to "face" God and His devoted servants.



I was afraid I might not be able to give a straight and honest answer to someone who asked about how fervent my relationship with God is.



But tell me, who really is God? Who is Jesus? Why do I go church?



Why am I subjecting myself to an invisible power that may or may not exist? And is Jesus, being God's Son, worthy of my praise? They're supposed to be one but why do people keep on insisting that the Holy Spirit is the One who enlightens or touches us, leading the way to a healthy Christian life? Could the Holy Trinity be heaven's hierarchy that the heaven people are compelled to worship? If God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are one, do they get equal amount of worship, or does God the Father deserve topbilling?



Really, who is God? Who is He who has shaped the belief of millions? Who is He whom people claim to be the all-powerful Creator who can breathe life as much as destroy it?


Who is He and why am I so afraid of Him? Why do I feel like a circus freak balancing on a tiny rope, counting the minutes to my death, afraid of Hell?



++++++++++++++++++++++




I've been exposed to the God I've been with since preschool. The God I was taught to love and obey since, well, forever. And when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, I made a promise to be faithful. I never questioned my faith but the possibility of it wavering is clear. I never questioned God's existence because I believe in a higher being who controls my fate but as to who God is and how moody he is remains obscure. Yes God seems to be moody. He is jealous yet compassionate. You say He is Love yet He condemns. He creates as much as destroys. Will I continue living by God's word when I'm not even sure of the Bible's accuracy?



There's so much I need to learn about; so many holes to fill. I'd be more than happy to answer my own questions and counter my own skepticisms.



I believe in God and in Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. And I love them with all my heart. Yet if God and Jesus are ONE, why am I using "them" instead of "him"?



See how confused I am...




 

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